Grey Matters

This series of posts is written in collaboration with my mental-twin, Vidhya. We're calling it the VJ Diaries.

As children we are taught how some things are right and some are wrong. It's pretty simple, really. You copy on a test - that's wrong. You report someone who bullied you to the teacher - that's right. Lying is definitely a big resounding wrong. Easy enough, right? Well, at that tender age, probably yes. As we grow up, the matters that concern us are not so simple, nor are the answers to the seemingly simple question - Is that the right thing to do? The motivation behind this post was a recent discussion that we were having. It was based on the movie, A Wednesday. You can read a short review here. At it's core the discussion involved the ending of the movie, as to whether it was 'right' for the police officer to let the civilian who got 4 terrorists killed go scot-free or not. However, the discussion transcended the movie and went on to generic issues as well. On how it was no longer a simple yes or a no answer (black or white) once issues increased in complexity. Take the Mumbai terrorist attacks of 26/11 for example, can one completely answer the basic question of - Should the last remaining terrorist, Kasab, be given a lawyer for defence? The answer to this question is likely to vary with every person that you ask, based on their connection to the Mumbai attacks, based on whether they lost someone they knew in it, based on whether they live/lived in Mumbai, have family there and probably a million other factors. Sure, the textbook answer, if we were still children, would be pretty black n white - Yes, legally he is required to be given a lawyer. It's not that easy when your age and comprehension of matters increase. It all fades into a zone somewhere in between... something grey - an answer with arguments playing on both sides, something that different factions of people will agree/disagree with - the grey area.

In life, you either turn out to be a black n white person or a grey person. Most of us knowingly fit into the grey zone. You are surely 'greyed' if you've ever considered the other side of things in any matter. Killing someone for instance is a crime punishable with death. However what about cases where it was self defense or life long emotional and physical abuse (as shown in the movie "Provoked")... The black n white people would be crystal clear in claiming murder is murder and punishment should be irrespective. However if you contend that circumstances of the crime should be an essential factor in deciding the punishment, you sure as hell are a 'grey' person. And it's far easier to forgive/forget things and view things objectively when you are not at it's core. Take the Mumbai attacks again, it's all faded away in the hearts and minds of many living abroad who've never lived in Mumbai or don't have family there, etc. only because it's hard for them to relate to and not because they don't care. The fire for justice still burns strong in everyone else who's actually more involved in it and that is why so many of us think it's ridiculous for some lawyers to offer to represent the lone remaining terrorist for a 'fair trial'. I bet the family of the terrorist, however against all reason, hope something comes off it and the guy is spared. It's all about perception and the side/faction to which you belong.

The other thing is that obviously the black n white people and the grey people don't see eye to eye on many things. While the grey people realize the fact that most of our decisions and views are colored by our emotions, the black n white people probably (Don Quixote-cally) view everything in terms of logic. Logic. Logic is something that entirely justifies things but can also be just as easily thrown out of the window by any other strong human emotion. That doesn't make logic wrong. It just means that logic has been overpowered and most often, quite involuntarily. How many times have we been caught in a situation of having done something illogical because of love/anger/hate or anything else? Quite a few, I'd bet. Eventually it's upto us to accept that while in life, being black n white would probably make a pretty picture, nothing really is. It's all pretty muddled.. All monochrome n grey.

Bharati

I had the opportunity to catch a live show right here in Paris... and it was a Bollywood show at that. It was a Bollywood musical called "Bharati" featuring an all-Indian cast at a huge auditorium here. The French turned up in thousands to watch and appreciate a show with songs they couldn't identify with. However, the narration was in French and by that Swades uncle (Rahul Vora - who comes as Mohan Bhargava's friend). And he speaks awesome French. Wiki-ing him later revealed that he holds a Master's degree in French. So no wonder. The story is quite cliché in the Bollywood scheme of things. NRI Boy meets village belle. Falls head over heels in love. Dad is strict. Of course there's another contender. But true love prevails. All this told with hit Bollywood numbers amongst which are Silsila ye chahat (Devdas), Bole choodiyan (K3G), Maiya maiya (Guru) and a couple of regional Tamil/Telugu hits as well. The singing was excellent and dancing outstanding. You can read more about the show here -http://www.bharatitheshow.com/music.php. It was excellent overall and what made it more enjoyable was the whole atmosphere. The French people absolutely loved everything. They were very appreciative, applauded like crazy, followed dance steps and even gave a standing ovation. And the girl who played Bharati, Bhavna Pani deserves a special mention. She was mindblowing. The fact that the people around us enjoyed it so much made it easy for us to enjoy it as well. You can catch a few videos on Youtube if you are intrigued. In all, it seemed like a very civilized way to spend an evening in Paris.

Playing Mommy?

I saw a screen t-shirt that someone was wearing yesterday at school. It read "I don't need to have kids. I married one." Yes, it's funny. And I know it's supposed to mean that the person they married is childish. But it also set me thinking on a parallel track. On whether some of the new generation married people had gotten the whole marriage deal right. I, for one think that many women tend to turn their mommy-ing instincts to the wrong object of attention - their husbands. Maybe that's because of the lesser age difference between couples these days as opposed to our previous generations, as SM pointed out. And of course, not being one of them ensures that I can look at it objectively and point out how weird the whole idea is.

Sometimes it's tempting I suppose to tell someone you can, for example your husband to do certain things. And well in the grand scheme of things, you are replacing his mom's role in his life, in that you take care of him now. So it's easy to place a misguided sense of babying on the husband and what's worse is that I've seen some men enjoy it and wrongfully take that to mean that their wife "loves them so much". Don't get me wrong... I love my husband as much as the next girl on the street loves hers, but I don't take it up to me to baby him around. He is free to do what he pleases however and whenever he wants. For instance, although I enjoy eating together with him, my rumbling tummy has sometimes propelled me to the dinner table sooner than him. And I know when he is hungry he'll eat. I don't have to keep going on about it or worse, spoon-feed him. Believe me, I've seen that happen. So what's wrong with that? Many women in the situation, I think want to make sure that they are a stellar wife. While it's easy to understand that urge, it does affect you finally. How? It makes your husband depend on you too much, makes him unwilling to do anything unless exclusively requested or told and anything that remains undone will turn out to be your fault because you did do it sometime in the past. And then throw-in the baby-talk and you have a muddle here. Yes, we all have pet nicknames for the 'significant other'. But does it really have to go- 'Does my honey-bunny need a huggie-buggie?' or something? Sorry if that sounded weird.

I guess it's time for wives to realize that they can be stellar in their "wifely" duties without going overboard. Being attentive is an entirely different thing than being nagging. They can be compassionate without being smothering. And if they are too much 'in-love' to notice it, maybe the husband who no doubt enjoys all the attention for a while should snap out of it and point it out. Think of it this way. As a wife, Mothering may just be smothering.

Boot camp

Ever made a choice that you know in your heart is going to bite you in the ass but you still make it anyways hoping against hope that you might just be wrong? I do and I did. I chose fashion over comfort and I promise that it's the last freaking time. I chose to wear boots to our Rome trip rather than my trusty old sneakers. Mind you, these boots were as comfortable as any other pair of shoes that I had on flat terrain. So basically, I chose heels over flats. And that's enough to wreck a good part of a weekend especially if you are trotting around from one attraction to another just coz it seems sooo nearby (while in reality it most certainly is not). Oh and did I mention that Rome doesn't have roads? Instead it has what is called a Viae, which is basically many polished stones laid next to each other and the gaps between them filled with rubble. It's very European and is the predecessor of our modern day tar roads and that means there are a lot of ups and downs on the walkways. So, it's quite a challenge walking without falling with heel boots and add to that the pressure on the soles and heels of your feet. By the end of Day 1, I was sure I was blistering because my feet were pretty darn sore and tender and I would've utterly wasted the Day 2 if I didn't do what was the only sensible thing to do out there. Buy a pair of flats. And that's 15€ that I am never regretting. This one was a perfect decision.

A-Roma-therapy

We were in Rome this last weekend. And we had a total blast... a cultural lesson in the lap of one of the most ancient and richest empires in the world, Italian food... cappucinos, the works, we had it all. And we drank in the sights, sounds, and smells of the imperial city. Here's one sight, a sight to remember, one of the Seven wonders of the World, the Colosseum.



There's more to come... Enjoy!