Its definitely "Goodbye" to KANK

Disclaimer - Views about the movie are strictly mine and I if you don't agree with them, you and I should probably never meet again!

Scene: An optimistic gang of 9 @ Northway Theatres, Pittsburgh
Time: 6:05pm - almost just in time for the show
Movie: Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna - Karan Johar's latest

Ofcourse I had decided to keep my expectations @ rock bottom.. Another SRK-Karan Johar flick.. overreaction was expected aplenty and I wasn't disappointed from Scene 1. SRK as a soccer player wouldn't sell even in ethereal world... And with Jersey No. 7 and a tattoo screaming 'Victory', a certain ex-Man-U and current Real Madrid star would probably commit suicide if he saw who was impersonating him! (Well if that was too cryptic for all of you.. Its Becky darling) Whoosh! And then comes another unbelievable scene... Rani Mukerji in full bridal attire sitting unaccompanied on a remote garden bench while her wedding vows need to be taken in like 5 seconds. And who should come by her, but the soccer star SRK! And though he's married and she almost is, there's a lot of chemistry between them and guess who gives her the boost to overcome her doubts about her darling husband-to-be, Abhishek, but a total stranger - SRK?

Then comes an accident and soccer superstar becomes a bitter brooding wretch who is too much of a man to be able to take his wife's success in his stride. The typical inferiority complex sets in. Atleast ere theres some reason for discomfort. The other pair is unbelievable... A doting, dashing, darling hubby in Abhishek, admittedly a little childish, endearingly so, adores his wifee, Rani and she is a mass of stone... Untouched by his affections, saddened by her good fate and uninvolved in her marital life. (Doesnt make any sense!) And so, the two bitter souls through quirks of fate are thrown together and as they work at fixing their own marriages, they end up setting themselves up. How that is "love" is once again beyond me.. And guilt brings in treats for the respective spouses who are naive enough to believe that the bad patch in their marriage is finally over and that everything is all good and fun. While Preity and Abhishek are out celebrating the success of their marriage (without their spouses - WHY would they do that?), this unlikely bitter couple in love sleep together.

Woven through all this is an ungainly role for Amitabh - a womanizing Papa.. Who celebrates his late wife by being with every 20-something he can set his eyes on... And only because its Amitabh, you can probably take it without flinching. Aby baby is Abhi's dad and Kiron "the gorgeous" Kher is SRK's mom and their flirting is unbearable. This couple chances upon Rani n SRK cootchie-cooing. And that signals the end of the stupid affair when they decide to come clean with their spouses. Neither Preity nor Abhishek can take it. While Preity implodes, Abhishek explodes and they both get rid of their spouses. Rani and SRK dont admit that they are now free to see each other and instead live a life of misery for 3 years assuming that the other is happy. BS!!! I wont go into the details.. but then they do get together in the end (And dont feel sad for Preity or Abhishek.. they've moved on too.. with different people).

A long, and painstaking account and I had to relive the torture! The first half hour is quite funny with good comic timing... the rest of it is a total pain in the ass and completely unbelievable. The movie is based on an english counterpart, "Closer" starring Jude Law, Natalie Portman, Julia Roberts and Clive Owen. Though I havent seen it, ofcourse I can vouch for the fact that it will probably be a trillion times better. SRK has overreacted beyond imagination and the way he cries makes you want to pull you arm out of your sleeve and play with it so you have something to do! (Courtesy: Joey in F-R-I-E-N-D-S on Janice's laughter!) Except for Mitwaa, even Shankar-Ehsaan-Loy failed to impress... The songs have an uncanny resemblence to te 'Kal Ho Na Ho' numbers which were better by far...

All in all.. even if someone paid you, its not worth the watch... BEWARE!